When we consider the life lessons we wish to impart to our children, things like doing the dishes, keeping the house tidy, and managing a bank account may spring to mind. However, a top priority on that list should be learning how to disagree civilly.
On the subject of arguing in front of children, there are two schools of thought. Don’t do it, one bunch. How could you ignore the other? As we open this Pandora’s Box, there are a few things to think about.
Friends of mine have remarked, “My parents never fought in front of us.” Others, however, have experienced emotional trauma as a result of battles and disputes that resulted in damaged emotions or worse. There could, however, be another choice. The issue with the first is that many people could assume there is a problem with their relationship if they quarrel if they have never seen it done correctly. The latter may create long-lasting wounds that may complicate your children’s relationships in the future.
Fighting and debating may be distinguished from one another quite clearly. Fighting often comprises harsh language, teasing, shouting, and other behaviors. It may also be accompanied by the want to list all the ways in which I am right and you are wrong. These conflicts are pointless, destructive to your marriage, and set a bad example for your kids.
Contrarily, debating is an expression of disagreement. It may include a contentious but controlled conversation, differences of opinion, and a hidden desire to reach an understanding. The latter, in my opinion, is something we need to voluntarily do in front of our kids. And this is the reason we will clash with other people in life. As they mature, your children will experience conflict with their own families, peers, employers, and other adults.
Our ability to handle marital disagreements maturely and healthily as role models for our children will have an effect on them far beyond their early years. A valuable life skill that some people have not been taught is how to disagree or dispute in a civilized manner. We should set an example for our children.
There are cautions and things to look out for while teaching this life skill. Here are five suggestions on how to disagree in front of your kids.
Dos and Dont’s of Fighting in Front of Your Kids
- Don’t Involve the kids. Don’t engage them in any way, ask them for their opinion, or demand that they choose a side. They adore you both, so having to support one parent over the other may make you feel as if you let the other down. ideas of abandoning or offending the other parents come next. Never try to win an argument by undermining your partner’s authority as a parent in front of your children.
- Don’t fight about the kids in front of the kids. Arguments that directly concern your children (bad academic achievement, punishment techniques, disliking your child’s friends, etc.) shouldn’t take place in front of the children. To make sure that your kids don’t feel guilty or responsible for the issue, have these difficult parenting sessions in private.
- Do call a time-out if things are getting heated. Taking a moment to breathe helps conflicts keep under control, much as you could give a kid throwing a tantrum a little timeout to cool down and compose themselves. Ask if there is a suitable moment to stop talking before the argument escalates into a physical altercation. Set a time to reconnect, however, or you run the danger of making one or both people feel forgotten and irrelevant. As soon as folks aren’t as agitated, it’s considerably simpler to handle problems.
- Do listen with the goal of hearing and understanding the other person. Rather of waiting for a moment to speak, you should speak up now. We’ve all engaged in it. We have the one-liner or zinger that will end the conversation, but we are unable to hear and comprehend what our partner is saying. Active listening and effective communication strategies should be used instead of attempting to “win” the argument.
- Do seek resolution. Also, always let the children witness the outcome of any disputes you have in front of them. We often dispute and then work things out. Try to avoid leaving them on a cliffhanger. Your children will develop their own social and emotional skills that they may use in the future if you model effective dispute resolution.
Without disagreements or conflicts, it would be hard to live. This applies to colleagues, bosses, and other partnerships as well, not only marriages or other relationships between partners. Let’s prepare our children for their futures and maturity by teaching them how to have and resolve a quarrel along with how to correctly load the dishwasher and prepare a simple dinner.
Living in conflict or in peace might depend on one’s ability to handle challenging conversations with sensitivity and respect. What a wonderful gift to give our children for the future.