Knowing if you’re being generous or selfish in a relationship is never simple. You must realize that selfishness is primarily an issue of perspective rather than actuality. How can you recognize the telltale indications of selfishness and tell it apart from setting boundaries?
Do you ever feel like giving in during a conversation with your partner but decide against doing so because you believe it would make you seem weak?
Though you consistently cave in, even if the results are irrelevant to you, do you think your spouse would treat you with respect or contempt?
You’ve probably heard it before, but selfishness has no place in a relationship. So, at the conclusion of this feature, you’ll know whether you’re asking yourself, “Am I selfish?”
Since selfishness isn’t really a desirable quality, recognizing whether you possess it or not might help you become a better person.
Aren’t we all just a little selfish?
We’re all capable of acting selfishly occasionally, especially when we have strong desires. It’s also unquestionably not a terrible thing. However, you should pay notice if your tendency to be selfish becomes a habit rather than only an occasional event.
Every partnership contains an equal distribution of power. A harmonious relationship depends on a perfect equilibrium, and even a small adjustment to that balance might alter how one or both parties view their partnership.
It’s just a matter of time until the relationship deteriorates if your spouse ever feels like they’re doing all the giving while you’re doing all the taking.
There should always be give and take in a relationship even if it’s never 50/50. If not, it will be simple for the connection to deteriorate and disintegrate. Knowing the telltale symptoms that you’re being selfish in a relationship is an important first step because selfishness can lead to so many issues in a relationship.
Why is being aware you’re being selfish important?
Everything in your relationship will suffer if you are a selfish person. It’s vital to recognize your selfishness if you’re serious about making your relationship succeed. Selfishness is the second most frequent reason for a relationship to end, behind misunderstanding.
Therefore, it is crucial to question oneself if you are selfish. Understanding your selfish inclinations would help you progressively become a better mate. When there is an equal amount of giving and getting in a relationship, nobody feels cheated or abandoned.
When we say that it’s crucial to understand if you’re being selfish or not, we’re not even the least bit exaggerating. It’s possible that you already act selfishly without realizing it because of the way you act and behave.
Your needs and your selfishness
First and foremost, never forget your own needs. In the end, you can only make your partner happier by being joyful yourself. Being unselfish in a relationship is a sign of unwavering love, but being overly selfless can cause even the most kind and sympathetic people to take advantage of your kindness!
And occasionally, your selflessness may serve as the impetus for an abusive relationship in which you are always under the control of someone who didn’t want to dominate you in the first place.
Between disregarding your needs and boundaries and being selfish, there is the ideal balance. Being a doormat for others is inappropriate, but neither is being too self-centered. If you truly want your relationship to continue to grow and bloom, strike the ideal equilibrium.
Neglecting your needs may lead to toxic partnerships, but being overly selfish can lead to problems in all of your relationships. Find the sweet spot where you can still put your wants first while yet being a giving partner.
How can you tell if you’re being selfish in the relationship?
A trait of self-gratification is selfishness. Even if you don’t think so, you probably are a selfish person if you are very self-centered and feel that your wants come first over everyone else’s. Realization is the first step towards ceasing to be selfish.
You must understand that no matter how demanding or challenging your difficulties may seem to you, they may not be as difficult or demanding to someone else. You cannot improve unless you see how selfish your behavior is. Self-awareness is essential, so.
You’ll be on the right track to becoming a better partner in your relationship if you honestly ask yourself, “Am I selfish?” Has your partner ever accused you of being egotistical in the midst of a conversation? It takes a lot of work and consistent selfish behavior on their part for your sweetheart to say something like that.
If your boyfriend ever calls you selfish, really consider it since it’s not something that people say lightly. Nobody would say something like that unless they truly, deeply believed it to be true. Perhaps their perception of you as selfish was influenced by the constant observation of your behavior.
Communication and selfishness
Never detest or become furious at your partner if they ever say you’re being selfish in the relationship. After the argument is over and tempers have calmed down, finish the conversation and ask your spouse why they think you’re being selfish.
Even if your spouse apologizes or claims they didn’t intend it, prod them quietly and reassuringly.
There is a strong possibility that your partner thinks you are selfish if they could make such a blatant claim. Again, they presumably had a good reason for labeling you selfish, so you should find out what makes them think that way.
Selfishness and attention seeking partners
A spouse may only be trying to inform you that they need more of your attention when they accuse you of being selfish. Most likely, they’ve been attempting to catch your attention by sending you frequent SMS, giving you presents, or sending you out on dates.
They’re expecting you’ll reciprocate by doing something kind for them. On the other hand, you could not be aware of this. Your spouse can conclude that you are overly selfish or self-centered as a result of this simple mistake. If your spouse accuses you of being selfish and struggles to defend themselves, they probably only want your attention.
All you have to do in this situation is return their amorous gestures with your own. In essence, you need to thank them for their efforts and make an attempt to offer them little gestures of affection. Perhaps all your lover wants is to feel appreciated!
19 signs you’re being selfish in your relationship and need to fix it
It’s difficult to identify your selfish tendencies, but there are several indicators that you may look for and consider. Find out whether you are being selfish in your relationship by using these indicators.
1. Laziness
Do you typically get pumped up to do something you like? Do you rapidly become bored or restless and want to escape if your spouse wants to do something you’re not especially enthused about? It may be something as straightforward as doing a task or going clothing shopping together.
If just your own interests thrill you and sharing your partner’s enjoyment from their interests means nothing to you, it’s a solid indication that you’re a rather egocentric person.
One indication that you’re being selfish is when your spouse constantly accompanies your hobbies and desires, but you never do the same for them. If you want your relationship to succeed, neither of you should be complacent.
2. You’re selfish if your partner usually gives in
Do you typically end up getting your way whenever there is a dispute about what to do or where to go, even if doing so makes your spouse unhappy or less-than-happy? Your lover could cave every time because they genuinely care about your happiness and unconditionally adore you.
But it won’t be long before they begin to feel as though their needs and wants are not being met in the relationship. In order to determine whether you are being selfish, consider whether your spouse always lets you do what you want. Their patience won’t continue forever.
A partnership is about giving and receiving, therefore if they are the only ones providing, then there will be neglect. Don’t hold off till then.
3. You believe your partner nags you
Do you ever notice that your partner keeps saying the same things to you over and over again? For example, “Can you pick up the towel?” for example, “Did you forget that?”
Even while it could anger you to constantly hear your spouse nag you, you should understand that they are only doing it because you aren’t paying attention to them.
Happy relationships don’t have nags because both partners make an effort to make the other person happy, even if it means putting themselves in each other’s way sometimes.
Therefore, before you assume your spouse is nagging you, consider whether you’re doing your part and meeting them halfway. If not, it will constantly come across as nagging to you.
4. You believe what YOU do in life is more meaningful and worthwhile
This is one of the indications that you’re being selfish, if you’re wondering what they are. Although you could earn more money or have a better career, this does not entitle you to special treatment in the relationship. You are being egotistical and selfish if you honestly think that you are more significant and that your ideas count more.
Because you earn more money, there is obviously an imbalance in the relationship, and here is where your selfishness is most obvious. One should never take precedence over the other in a relationship since it is a collaboration. That behavior is blatantly self-centered.
5. Your partner is flawed
Because you think they aren’t good enough for you, you perceive your partner’s flaws and want them to change for you. Even though you too possess the same problems, you believe they are less relevant in your situation. Even if you are not so great yourself, all you can notice are their shortcomings.
Gaining weight is a good illustration of this. You can desire your companion to reduce weight because you think they currently don’t seem attractive. On the other side, you can be obese and not feel the need to lose weight or improve your appearance for your partner.
This is not only unjust to your spouse, but it also makes your relationship’s blatant double standards clear. Accept their weaknesses as well as your own if you want to be a better relationship. If it really upsets you, take care of yourself and you’ll probably inspire your spouse as well.
6. You want it your way
Even when your spouse has other ideas, you always want to do things your way or visit areas you enjoy. You pout or sulk the entire time if your spouse persuades you to do something different or go somewhere else.
And as soon as your lover accedes to your demands and follows your instructions, you quickly feel better and cuddle up to them. Always and only, you want things to go your way. Anything else makes you uncomfortable, and you start acting passive-aggressively against your spouse.
When did your requirements overtake theirs? When you show your lover attention, they may feel nice on the outside, but on the inside, all they would be thinking is what a spoiled child you are!
7. Your huge ego is a sign you’re being selfish
You consider losing a debate to be a show of weakness. And you just dislike losing a battle or adjourning a conversation that doesn’t go your way. You act in this way in all aspects of your life, not just in your relationship. If you’re wondering if you’re being selfish, examine your ego to find out.
There you have it if you always want to come out on top in disagreements and never want to apologize first because you want to seem superior. One of the clearest indications that you are being selfish in the relationship is this.
Ask yourself why you always need to win every fight or you prefer being in charge if your ego is constantly on display. No space for ego should exist in a healthy relationship.
8. You can’t trust your partner easily
You genuinely think that you’re the only one you can depend on for happiness, so even if you adore your spouse, you’re never completely comfortable in their company.
Even if you’re dating a fantastic guy or lady, you always put your wants before your lover’s since you believe your partner would do the same thing anyhow! Regardless of your reasoning, the fact that you don’t trust them says a lot about the selfish lover you are.
Without trust, you’ll unintentionally hold them at a distance at all times. You never allow yourself to trust your lover because you always worry that they may betray you and leave you.
9. You can’t be unselfish
It doesn’t matter how hard you try to put your partner’s needs above your own, how hard you try to be kind to them and show them how much you care.
Every interaction you have with your partner involves you attempting to get a better deal for yourself, whether it’s over a better piece of chicken, a bigger slice of pizza, or something more important like making travel plans. You must constantly be higher than them.
If you do perform a very visible gesture of selflessness, your spouse will be able to see just how “selfless” you are. This is undoubtedly an indication that you are acting selfishly. Every time you prioritize yourself over your spouse, there will come a point when they can no longer put up with it.
10. Competitiveness can answer your question – Am I selfish?
It’s nice to be competitive, but there’s a fine line between that and making harmful compromises. Would you undermine your own spouse or sabotage their ambitions in order to get something for yourself? Being competitive implies that you feel threatened in the relationship, and if you do, you’re inevitably selfish.
In your partnership, there shouldn’t be any place for meaningless competitiveness. Competition encourages selfishness, and that is exactly what this feature is about. Why do you feel the need to criticize your partner all the time? You’re companions for a cause, in all actuality.
11. You don’t apologize
Every time you have to apologize to your lover, do you have a sharp knot in your throat?
You could apologize frequently for insignificant things or when you don’t really mean it. But when it really counts, do you keep your mouth shut or stand up for yourself even when you know you’re in the wrong?
We’ve already said it, but we’ll say it again. One indication that you are being selfish is if you refuse to apologize. Your ego and pride are impeding your ability to be a decent partner in the relationship. When you first apologize, you immediately feel weak, and that is exactly where you are mistaken.
Although you may not give your actions much thought, your spouse would undoubtedly see you as pompous and selfish. Waiting to apologize can only cause you to lose your relationship one day.
12. Emotional blackmail is a selfish tool
No matter how you look at it, emotional manipulation is a form of selfish low blow. When your spouse doesn’t behave the way you want them to, should you withhold sex, keep quiet, or simply ignore them? Even if your spouse ultimately concedes and moves toward you, they will still have bitterness and irritation in the back of their minds.
Be clear with your partner about what you desire. A selfish strategy for winning disputes is to emotionally hurt your partner and pressure them into giving in.
Relationships aren’t intended to proceed like this. Therefore, if you continually subject people to blackmail, the answer to the question “Am I selfish?” is yes.
13. Control freak
People that are selfish usually want things their way, making them finicky control freaks. According to them, everything must proceed according to plan. It’s a sign of selfishness in a relationship if you frequently try to control your spouse and even certain events or results.
So, this is one of the responses to the question, “Am I selfish?” Being a control freak needs to cease because it hurts your relationship. Even worse, your partner could be grumbling about you in private.
14. Incapable of compromise
One of the indications that you are being selfish is that you are unable to compromise. This is, if anything, the most blatant example of selfishness. You’re being selfish if you can’t offer in a relationship since it will always involve some giving and taking.
Without compromise, resentment, anger, and even sorrow easily accumulate in a partnership. Your spouse has to believe that you are giving them what they want on a regular basis and not simply giving it to them all the time.
15. You are only looking out for yourself
When you simply have your own interests in mind in a relationship, that is one of the most destructive characteristics. Perhaps you put on a caring act because you don’t trust your spouse sufficiently or are afraid they’ll leave you. However, every recommendation you offer is really just a cover for a strategy to acquire what you want.
One of the obvious indications of selfishness that you cannot overlook is this. Always keep in mind that the cornerstone of every relationship is trust. Therefore, without it, it will be simple for your connection to break down and disintegrate.
16. Their successes hurt you
You find it difficult to celebrate your partner’s triumphs and victories, much like when you’re extremely competitive in your relationship. Is it the solution to the question, “Am I selfish?” if you can’t be content and constantly feel the need to outperform your partner?
You’re expected to take delight in and really enjoy your partner’s triumphs and victories, as opposed to NOT being selfish.
17. Expectations to change
One indication that you’re being selfish is if you frequently demand changes from your partner. It’s never the other way around; you want them to adjust for you.
Ask yourself why you put so much pressure on your partner to change all the time. You probably don’t even understand how selfish you are. Keep in mind that you entered a relationship with someone not to use them as a personal project but to love them for who they are, faults and all.
18. Lack of empathy
If you’re wondering, “Am I selfish?,” consider if you have enough empathy for your spouse and your relationship. Since it’s simple to dismiss your partner’s emotions without empathy, they won’t feel understood, which makes empathy such a crucial relationship quality.
The reason your lover feels so far from you is likely due to your failure to understand their feelings.
19. Impulsivity
An impulsive individual is frequently selfish because they make choices without taking other people into account. Therefore, if you frequently make snap decisions and act without thinking or caring whether they harm your spouse, it is one indication that you may be being selfish.
You may have taken significant decisions without discussing others or you may just act on your own impulses, both of which are indicators of selfishness.
So, what are the signs you’re being selfish?
Being selfish in a relationship is never appealing. You need to discover a strategy to combat this terrible habit before it destroys your relationship since it may be the precise thing that makes you lose them forever.
Before you can change your behavior, you must first acknowledge that you are a selfish spouse.
Until our spouse continually calls our selfishness out, we often are oblivious to it. Therefore, if you see these indications of selfishness, it’s possible that you’re destroying your relationship unknowingly.